Funny Stories

1.     

 I got a driver's license pretty late in Japan, and even after I passed the test, I could not drive very well.
One night in Kyoto, I was driving a rent-a-car nervously. It was past 10 o'clock and all the shops and restaurants were already closed. I went into a strange district called "Heaven Town". and could not get out well. Finally I found myself driving a very narrow path toward a dead end. It was very dark. Suddenly, out of one building, at least 7 or 8 men came running into the path. They were Japanese gangs (yakuza). I saw some wooden weapons in their hands.  Perhaps, they may have had knives etc., too.

In Japan, a yakuza group sometimes assaults an enemy group's office at night and goes really violent. Thus, they thought my car was coming to attack them. I had to open the window and explain that I was just a traveler, and tried to get out of the path. But because my driving was very poor, I could not go back straight. Seeing that, one kind yakuza walked to the front and started to say, "Back all right, Back All right". He also taught me how to use the handle while looking backwards.

Finally, I got out of the path and thanked them and left. It was a hot, rainy night.
 

2. 
The man could not use his time efficiently for his first 25 years.
So, he read all the books on how to use time efficiently for the next 25 years, rain or shine, everyday for several hours. But he still could not use his time efficiently. So, he wrote books on how to use time efficiently spending the next 25 years.
He wrote one of the best books on the subject and died on time.

3.
 "How to get to The Met Opera House?"
"Auditions!" (This is true.)

"How to get to Carnegie Hall?"
"Connections!"
 

4.
I ordered a food at Yoshinoya (a big Japanese fast food chain) in New York City. The lady at the counter started to talk to me in Japanese and she said, "Good looking!" (Bishounen) to me. I was a little happy and looked at her face well. I found out that she was a guy.

5.
MY father is in his mid seventies and sometimes makes a funny mistake which he would have never done before. So, he tries to avoid to take the responsibility. One day, he pushed a tea cup and the tea spilt over. He said, "The tea cup tumbled".

6.
 There are many things you can learn only from experiences. But also the fact that there are many things you can learn only from experiences you can learn only from experiences. Then, there are many things plus one thing you can learn only from experiences.  But also the fact that there are many things plus one thing you can learn only from experiences you can learn only from experiences. Then, there are many things plus two things you can learn only from experiences. But also.....

7.
In the 17th century, one English scientist was walking the street and fell in a big hole. He thought and thought why it had happened. Due to his modest character (like me), he reached the conclusion that it was because of his silliness. He missed the opportunity to find gravity.

8.
When I was reading the newspaper lying on the floor, my father walked by and stepped on my foot,
and he cried, "I te te (ouch!)  in Japanese himself. So I lost the timing to scream myself.

9. 
My friend is a visual artist. When he was smoking marijuana in his apartment, the management office called him and asked his help.
He went up to the office. They asked him to be on the judging panel for their poster contest.  There was another artist in the office (who also smokes), They served as judges for children's poster contest. The theme was "Drug Free Neighborhood!"

10.
At the church where I work as an organist, everybody is getting  senile (well, except me).
On one Sunday, our bulletin said, "We send a condolence to Ms.   L...... Harris's family."But the bishop wrote her first name wrongly. He wrote the name of the person who is a regular member and was attending that Sunday service. I knew both L. Harris' . I was sad to hear the news. But when I  found the mistake, I really had a hard time stop laughing.  After the service, Ms. L. Harris (who is in good health) was saying,   "I know I am going, but NOT YET!"


11.
Following is a conversation with my Russian piano teacher.  I said, " 
You say my piano touch is not delicate enough. The reason may be that  I was in the band and playing a lot of popular music when I was 
younger." She replied, "There is a woman who was a prostitute, but now she is a perfect wife. Why can't you be?"

12.   
A strings Quartet was performing in a concert on TV. They were  professional and very good.  At one point I heard the wrong notes and the mistake was pretty  obvious, but could not figure out who did it.  I saw the faces of each player. They all looked like saying, "It's not me." It reminded me of a fart in a crowded room.

13.
 In the bathroom of Boston Public Library, one man was taking a shit.  It was a black man (I saw that although the race is not important here).
What impressed me was that he was humming, and the music was the march from the movie "The Bridge on The River Kwai."  How appropriate his selection was!!

14. How far has my Alzheimer's progressed?

In the kitchen, I prepared two cups of hot water while reading a book, and took the ingredient of instant miso soup and an English Breakfast tea bag. Later, I tried to have both, but one cup was still hot water and the other one was tea mixed with miso.

We are collecting funny stories. If you have one, please send us by e-mail (junt@erols.com).
 

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